Real Life: The Reason Vegetables Will Never Save Us.
Dear healthcare providers and those of us with any sort of social media presence. Also, dear me from a few years ago. While we’re at it, dear lady in the check out line who is commenting on someone’s food choices as they pay for their groceries with an ebt card.
Let’s talk about real life. Real life is code for everything that influences our best intentions.
Real life could be a small thing like all the math homework that is beyond the parent’s comprehension and so we turn to google and YouTube instructional math videos for two hours almost every school night. And, we always thought ourselves good at math.
Or, real life can be a giant thing like discrimination.
It might sound like, “We ran out of food! I thought you were getting the groceries, babe!” but also “We ran out of food! I ran out of money so we can’t afford groceries, sweetie."
The term for all these influencers is Social Determinants of Health (factors that effect health beyond genes and lifestyle). Click here for a colorful and well-designed infographic to learn more.
I’m telling you, someone could be following the perfect diet according to the dominant culture’s standards. But, Chlorophyll and Curcuminoids cannot stand up to the effects of systemic oppression, generational trauma, and, yes, even something as small as the chronic stress from nightly homework struggles. Asking a person to “just eat more vegetables” is like handing them a teaspoon to dig the foundation of their home.
And, I have a hunch that the pressure to incorporate the darlings of diet culture into meals may only add to suffering and dis-ease.
Full Disclosure:
I’m white, thin, non-disabled, cisgender, heterosexual, mother to four non-disabled and neurotypical children. I’m a college educated professional, multiple-car owner, home owner, and insured in all possible ways. I have access to and regularly receive healthcare and mental health counseling. I enjoy regular contact with a circle of trusted and loving friends and family. I have full citizenship as did generations of family members before me. I can take a midday nap in a soft, clean bed and an evening walk in a safe neighborhood. Folks like me have been centered in most conversations and in policy making.
I have zero social determinants of health.
The Invitation:
Health provider colleagues, if you identify with my privilege, please consider following my lead (as I am following the lead of others before me) when it comes to providing care to clients.
“Stop trying to run the show. Ask questions. Pipe down and listen when people (friends, family, clients) talk. ”
I’ve learned by many failed attempts that entering into an encounter with a client, my own agenda in mind, and food lists in hand is at best ridiculous and at worst disrespectful and possibly harmful. And it’s a giant waste of time and money.
Here’s the sad and scary part: The current medical model (weight-centric, practitioner as the sole voice of expertise) is so powerful that people will erase their own story in an attempt to comply.
Our biggest work is getting people to tell their story. It’s creating the space for people so they feel safe and attended to in a way that compels them to want to tell their story. It’s helping people to take their own story seriously, their own experiences, emotions, doubts, confusion, distress - that’s the work.
It’s asking our clients: what is the problem as you see it? What is working for you? What is not working for you? Where are you getting your information? Asking questions, reflecting back what we think we are hearing them say, and asking more questions. This is the way to partner with someone for real health and healing.
And if your 1pm client isn’t ready or able to change because of all the real life hitting them in the face day after day?
We get to say, “I see you. I hear you. I believe you.” And, maybe, if we’re lucky, “Here are the resources I have to help you.” The listening ear, the website for help with math homework, the advocacy, the legal representation, the sleep clinic, the lady who will comb lice out of your kids’ hair for a very small fee (it’s a real thing and it will save your life), your next meal. And finally, “Here’s my phone number. You know where to find me when you’re ready for more.”
And, I promise you, when the folks have real life taken care of in a way that allows them to come up for a breath, they will return to you. They will seek you out. Because people may not remember what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel (Oprah told me Maya Angelou said that - fact check, please).
Looking for a way to be more effective in your work without doing more damage? Check into learning more about Motivational Interviewing (MI): a compassionate, non-judgmental communication style that puts clients in the driver’s seat of their health decisions.
This approach is a great tool for all providers and clients (no matter the level of privilege or disruption).
Read the book “Motivational Interviewing in Nutrition and Fitness”. Listen to an interview with one of the authors, Dawn Clifford, RD, on The Mindful Dietitian’s podcast. Watch short clips on the YouTube Channel: “Dawn Clifford’s MI tips” to learn tips on motivational interviewing and how to health coach from a non-diet paradigm. Follow Dawn on instagram for more inspiration on how to incorporate MI into your work. (No, I do not benefit financially from using and promoting Dawn Clifford’s work. I only benefit personally and professionally and SO CAN YOU).
Sending
If you only get one thing from this post, please let it be this: find out what your privilege is and how it could be creating a blind spot in your grand vision and hardening heart in your relationship to the “other” in your life and work. We are in the healthcare field to help people. Let’s do that better.