Glimmers And Triggers: The Things That "Move" Us
Last week, I wrote a post on the topic of waking up to our autonomic nervous system states. It’s helpful to be able to identify the state you are in as a means of answering the common question I hear so often in client sessions, “Why do I do what I do around food, movement, and caring for myself?”
Once we are able to identify what autonomic state we are in, we can ask another question of “How did I get here?”
What I like most about this conversation is the intention of including what Deb Dana refers to as triggers and glimmers.
Triggers, cues of danger, activate fight/flight (sympathetic state of defense) and freeze/collapse (dorsal vagal state of defense). Glimmers, cues of safety, bring us to values-based behaviors, health, growth, and restoration (ventral vagal state of connection).
Often, it’s easy to get caught up in the loop of focusing on triggers and the accompanying maladaptive strategies (restriction, bingeing, unconscious eating, harmful/punishing/compensatory exercise). Purposefully inviting in the glimmers, moments and experiences that brings us to a true sense of safety, helps us to tell a bigger story.
Taking time to identify and name triggers and glimmers helps us understand what shifts us from one autonomic state to the next. It can move us from a story of “this is just how I act and behave” to “I can anticipate and predict my actions when certain things happen to and around me.”
Here’s a story of my own triggers and glimmers
Remember, triggers are when something is experienced as “too big, too much, too fast.”; glimmers, on the other hand, are micro-moments of positive emotion that help us feel calm and settled.
Buckle in for a look at a day in the life of Liz Brinkman along with the stories I tell myself about my life as well as how I relate to food amidst the states.
My day begins by being yanked out of a restful slumber by my neighbor playing video games in his side yard with his friends. At 3:30 am. (trigger) I think, all video games are a waste of time and people who play video games are careless and self-centered (story of “all video-gamers are the worst” caused by fight energy). I can’t get back to sleep so I start my day with a headache.
At 6:30 am, none of my children can seem to find their socks, shoes, etc. We are in a rush to get out the door. (trigger) I grab a packet of fruit snacks because I’m out of time to make my favorite breakfast of granola, yogurt, and fruit. I bark orders and have the thought, my kids are the only kids in the world who can’t get themselves organized (story of despair caused by fight energy)
I head to work in the quiet of my car, sipping coffee. (glimmer) I think, this day has possibility (story of hope from a state of safety/calm).
I have a busy day in clinic, gladly holding space for others’ glimmers and triggers. I’ve worked on my ability to stay connected but differentiated. I have built in short breaks for walks outside, snacks (yummy and balanced), drinks (tasty and hydrating), and bathroom breaks (glimmer, glimmer, glimmer, and glimmer). I leave for home feeling settled, but, in all honesty, my capacity for regulation has been spent.
I get home and my kids are arguing over a toy that no one has paid attention to in the past year but now is the most important toy ever because “he didn’t ask to use it and I got it from the treasure box in kindergarten!!!” Also, we are out of snacks and everyone is STARVING!!, and the dog peed on the carpet. (trigger, trigger, and trigger). I want to go into my bedroom, close the door, take off my bra, and get into bed. Instead, I eat a bunch of tortilla chips with salsa even though I’m not really hungry. I think, I don’t want to be a parent/dog owner anymore, it’s too hard (story of hopelessness and being trapped from a state of collapse/immobilization).
We make it through dinner and sit down to watch the one and only show we can agree on as a family, Man vs Wild. At first, the kids fight over who gets to sit where (trigger). I want to throw the remote control through the window and pour myself a giant glass of wine. I think my family is the only family that can’t get along. I want to leave (story of “these kids are driving me crazy”, I’m crazed from a state of fight/flight energy).
My husband catches my eye in a knowing glance of “Oh, brother. This again?” and smiles. We share a moment of solidarity that says “being together in this way often starts out as a struggle but ends in connection, these kids will settle down soon.” (glimmer). I notice my urge for wine. I remember how drinking wine in the evening causes me to wake up in a panic in the middle of the night and leaves me feeling foggy-headed in the morning. I can let go of the urge. I think, I’m not in this alone and the kids are just learning how to transition from one thing to the next (story of “we’re ok just the way we are. All families go through this” from a state of safety/connection).
While my husband gets the kids to be, I take a shower, get into my comfy pajamas, climb into my bed with freshly laundered sheets, and feel the cool night breeze coming through the window. I listen to a guided meditation and say a prayer of gratitude before drifting off to sleep. (glimmers galore).
So, in review:
Glimmers:
smiles, quiet environment, solitude (chosen alone time...different from isolation), coffee, being outside, regular breaks in workday, watching tv shows with the family, showering, comfortable clothing, clean linens, cool breezes, meditation and gratitude practices.
Triggers:
raised voices, being awakened in the middle of the night, missing shoes and other personal items, being rushed, clutter, bickering, feeling powerless, not having enough food, not having a plan for getting enough food.
Here is the thing, we all have triggers and we all have glimmers. Knowing what sends us into a threat response and what pulls us towards safety and connection doesn’t mean we have to change. Waking up to our triggers and glimmers might be the next thing you need to help give context and insight into why you do the things you do in relationship with food (in relationship to movement, motivation, and wearing a bra…you get the point).
If you are interested in getting to know the things that bring you into a threat response and things that bring you to safety, I invite you to work through this worksheet (for more of Deb Dana’s work, check out her website here). Start with the survival response that is most familiar (sympathetic or dorsal vaga) and first map the triggers found in that state and then map the other When the tow “protection” sections are complete, end by mapping the glimmers of the ventral vagal “connection” section.
As always, please reach out if this post spoke to you and if you’d like help working through the worksheet. I’d love to hear your thoughts and insights. Contact me or leave a comment below. Schedule a Free Discovery Call to talk in person.