Nighttime Eating: Shining A Light On A Shadowy Subject
Why does my teenager wait until nighttime to raid the pantry?
This is a question I’ve been asked lately by well-meaning, deeply concerned parents.
Before we step forward into this subject, will you do something for yourself? First, go to a mirror and say to yourself: This is typical. Then, take a big, deep breath and maybe give yourself a little hug , especially if you are feeling overwhelmed and daunted by parenting responsibilities. You are not alone. This nighttime eating phenomenon is happening in my house, too. I’m giving ideas on how to navigate this as a registered dietitian nutritionist and a mother.
When working with teens (and adults, for that matter), I often start out by breaking down nighttime eating into these three categories*:
1. Did your teen get enough food to eat during the day? These kids are growing and becoming adults. They need plenty of energy from food to do that. Did you know kids typically gain up to 60 pounds during puberty? We get to say: I notice you are eating at night, have you though much about why you are doing that? It’s a change from how you were eating before. I want to make sure you are getting enough food. You eating this late may be a cue that you aren’t getting enough to eat during the day.
2. Is this a habit? When the lights go down and The Office comes on, do your kids automatically and unconsciously reach for food? If so, see it as an opportunity to chat with your teen to weigh the pros and cons of eating in the evening. Also, encourage your teen to check in with their body to see how eating late at night makes their body feels after doing so. Behavior modification approaches that include values clarification and body sensations can be helpful but extends beyond the purpose of this post (stay tuned for more ideas on this in the near future!). We could try saying “In our family, the kitchen closes at ____ .” Come up with a time you and your teen agree on.
3. Are they lacking in sources of pleasure? Perhaps nighttime eating is the only accessible option for pleasure and comfort. This might simply be a pleasure thing. How else are our kids get their pleasure needs met? Naming and normalizing that food brings pleasure is important. Then, talk about other sources of comfort and pleasure.
Please keep in mind, any efforts to change a child’s eating behavior and relationship with food must include respect and consent. Also, it is not a deficit in you if you (the parent) are not able to feed your child in the way you wish or if your child eats in a way that doesn’t align with your values/food rules. Behaviors and choice are complex things.
I can’t end this post without adding:
We are trained to think about food, nutrition, and eating in a binary way (right/wrong, yes/no, good/bad). Binary thinking feels safe. It might sound like: Eating while sitting at a table at 8am, noon, and 6pm is good. Eating while sitting on a couch at 10pm is bad. This way of thinking comes with a lot of rules and opportunities for failure. A high chance for failure breeds fear. Fear takes us away from ourselves and out of our bodies.
So, how do we step out of the binary? Consider a third option. Don’t intervene. Stand back. Watch what happens. Ask questions. Listen.
This summer, after prolonged isolation from COVID19, my teens are going to bed at midnight and waking up at 10-11am. Their circadian rhythms are different from mine and their younger siblings. Eating breakfast at noon (my lunch), lunch at 5 (my dinner), and dinner at 10 (my bedtime) might just be what their body needs. Can this be “ok”? Can “doing nothing” about nighttime eating be an option? How does this idea land for you? Examine the rules about eating woven into you if you are feeling uncomfortable or concerned. Reach out and we can talk and feel our way through.
*There are many factors that impact why we eat. If this short list of three approaches to understand and address nighttime feeding feels incomplete or falls short. Maybe you aren’t a parent or a teenager, but you see yourself in this post. I see you, too! Eating in the nighttime is not a singularly “teenager” thing. We can work together to take a deeper dive. I want to help you make sense of things and build knowledge around eating.