Dear Daughter (A Birthday Letter)
Dear Daughter,
Today you are 14. Your journey towards adulthood feels like less of a walk and more akin to a full out sprint.
The parenting books and guides say that at this stage, you are struggling to find out who you are and how you fit into this world. As your mom, I have a deep desire to protect you from harm and suffering. This mostly shows up by me giving you unsolicited advice.
Instead of me forcing my wisdom on you, can we try something different? I’d like to hear your side.
What does it mean to fit in?
What are you looking for in a true friend?
What does it look like to struggle?
What does it feel like to be comfortable?
What does it mean to be beautiful?
Let’s talk about the world. Where do you see goodness? Where do you see pain?
Daughter, I’ll make time to hear your answers and try my best to stay quiet so you can gather your thoughts and find your words in the pause.
Also, these conversations can happen over text.
A meditation for the 14 year old:
I am a masterpiece and an original. My beauty goes beyond external appearances. My voice matters. Guide me to friendships that fit me without too much bending on my part. Grant me braveness that expands my life. Help me befriend imperfection in myself and others.
A prayer for the mother:
Thank you for the masterpiece that is my child. I’ve stumbled and gotten in my own way many times. Guide me in self-compassion and show me humor in the low places. Help me find fortitude and courage to make space for her complexities. Provide me the strength and endurance to hang in there with the ups and downs of her teenage brain. Give me pause and wonder at the vastness of her teenage heart.
Most of all, grant me endurance to shake off sleep at 10pm because that’s when the good conversations start.
PS, Keep sending reinforcements. You know who they are, the people that say things I’ve already said, but in a way that my daughter can hear.