Fear, Grief, And Choice

Thoughts in the midst of a pandemic.

I took some time off from my Monday Night meal prep last week because things were starting to change in our country. We were hearing about flattening the curve, social distancing, trying to figure out “how far is 6 feet?” This situation hits us at every level of our being, every level of our needs. It’s primal. It’s survival. It’s spiritual. This situation may be affecting our physical safety and well-being, our sleep, shelter, food. It disrupts our connections with other people.  This is trauma. We are living in a traumatic situation that is not over yet. There’s a lot of grief here.

Grief and loss. 

I dropped off a box of tea at my friends house as a birthday gift. Her children swung open the front door and ran out to greet me. I held up my hands and shouted, “No! We can’t hug!” It felt like everything opposite of what my body wanted. The natural impulse to embrace these little ones was thwarted.

For the rest of my night, I was aware of a “blocked” sense in my arms and heart-center.

Not only are we are spending a lot of time in our head these days, but we might be noticing some changes in our body. We might not feel hungry, or we might feel like eating everything in the house. Our relationship with food has maybe changed from what it has been. You may especially notice this if you have been working to move away from dieting or are on the road to recovery from an eating disorder. 

Getting food takes more time, planning, and effort than it did in the past. Maybe it even feels like a full time time job.  

Please hear this: There’s no way to relate to food that is incorrect.

What can we do to eat regularly enough? What activities around food making and eating can we engage in that bring joy and pleasure? How can we be compassionate and gentle with ourselves?

I would invite you to come back to the idea of choice. Finding a new sense of the meaning of choice or a new relationship with the idea feeling choiceful. 

Saying: I can choose - I have choice. I’m not a robot, I’m not on autopilot. I’m a living, breathing Being.

It may be your situation that what you “want” may not be as available. The foods we prefer and feel safest with may not be accessible. Naming our felt emotions is one way to move forward - sitting for a moment (even just 10-20 seconds) in discomfort and grief is vital. Acknowledging that there is a part of us that is mad or scared. How can we come back to “what is available” to me and within me. What do I choose? Can I accept the food I have as good enough for now?

There is always choice to some extent. Stay connected to that.

I care deeply about helping people feel supported and heard at this time. I can’t guarantee that I’ll make you feel better, but I can promise to give you my full attention. Please reach out if you need support - through my instagram or blog.