When Food Is Scary
We live in a culture that upholds high standards for beauty and health. Food rules lay down a clear cut path to perfection. The pursuit of perfection sets us up for the fear of failure. Having fear around food and "eating the wrong thing" can create within us a feeling of defensiveness. It's a vicious cycle, ya'll, a merry-go-round ride that never ends. We just end up dizzy and confused.
I was a teenager in the 1990s, a decade when all the nutrition gurus nailed their nutrition advice to the scaffolding of fat-free is healthiest. Thirty years later, that message is still firmly embedded in my psyche. This shows up in my life as a knee-jerk reaction that sounds like I can’t have Doritos in my house or maybe I should leave the cheese off the pizza (sorry, pizza, I can't believe I did that to you).
The ever-changing nutrition recommendations ask us to believe that health, good health, depends on a specific nutrient. The newest guidelines (which seem to change on a minute-by-minute basis) have us believing there is one way to eat well. It’s either the right way or you’ve failed. You aren’t alone if you experience “expert nutrition advice” as a moving target. We go to bed one night believing eggs are bad for us and wake up to headlines of the magical healing properties of eggs (and for everyone to own backyard chickens).
With all these confusing rules, there is little room for joy and satisfaction with eating. Mealtime brings about fear, shame, and guilt when we don’t measure up.
Can I let you in on a little secret? There is no such thing as perfection when it comes to food or eating. “Doing it perfectly” is a myth and works to set us up to overlook our effort and miss a chance to learn from an experience. Perfection comes from a place wanting to maintain power and safety...totally typical in this culture.
There are ways to untangle from the idea of “perfect eating” and work towards incorporating foods that we fear or find challenging.
Check out these 6 steps to adding fear foods back into your meals and snacks:
Ask yourself: Am I getting enough food on a regular basis? A well-nourished brain is your number one asset in changing your thinking about food and diet. If we are starved or semi-starved (ie “dieting”), our mind and thoughts become preoccupied with the rules and food. Eating on a regular basis lays a foundation of trust with your body. By eating regularly, you are saying to your body: I promise to show up for you, you can trust me. Need help figuring out how much food is enough? I can help!
Talk to your fear. Ask it: why this food? What is the story about this food that gives it so much power over me? Do a background check. Where did this story of fear about this food come from?
Call for backup: a friend, a professional, anyone you trust. Please, please, please don’t do this work alone.
Start small and go slow. If you wanted to overcome a fear of spiders, would you walk into a room of spiders? I mean, you could, but there is a kinder way. Choose a food that is just a little scary. Start small. Proceed slowly.
Pause for a meditation, say a prayer, call upon a higher power, invite ancestral strength. This is spiritual work. It’s holy. Facing a fear calls for defiant hope and divine intercession. What would it be like to shift some of the responsibility of healing and change to something outside of your control? Call it Spirit, God, Light, Energy. A loving force is already at work, waiting for you to join in.
Eat. You can distract yourself while you do so, or you can pay close attention. It’s up to you. You are the boss of you. The food is not the boss. This is no place for perfection. At the end of this experience, ask yourself, what did I learn from that experience? What, if anything, would I change the next time I eat this food?
Hopping off the fear-food merry-go-round can feel liberating and scary. You might trip and fall flat on your face at first. Maybe you need a shoulder to lean on, a hand to pull you up and brush you off? Reach out for a step by step, side-by-side supported approach to finding a new way with Doritos, pizza, or whatever food is in your life that feels off-limits.