Why We Weigh Ourselves And How To Stop
While having a regular, daily practice is usually a good thing (think prayer, meditation, stretching, taking a walk, brushing your teeth), there is a practice that people around the world do that does more harm than good.
The act of stepping on a scale and weighing yourself, while it seems harmless, can, unknowingly, be the thing that stands in your way of a safe and loving connection with your body and food.
When I start working with clients, they often share that they are weighing themselves many times a day. They aren’t just interested in the number on the scale, but the meaning behind the number.
“I need to check the scale to see if I should feel good or bad about myself (my life, my marriage, my friendship, my children, etc.).”
“My weight tells me if I should eat what I want or follow the next diet craze.”
“When I think about it, my weight tells me if I’m worthy of caring for myself and being cared for by others.”
“Knowing my weight gives me purpose for my day (or my life).”
What this all hints at is that we as humans (especially these days) are feeling the effects of the confusion and chaos of the world. We can’t easily pinpoint or put into words the way we are feeling. It all plays out in the microverse of our body. The unnamable sensations and feelings our body houses tell a story without words - a story with no clear beginning, middle, or end.
Living with question and uncertainty is difficult. Having all the answers feels good. Knowing all the facts brings great relief and a feeling of safety. No wonder tangibles like pounds, inches, and calories feels like the thing we should be focusing on. So, we step on the scale to give us a solid, quantifiable answer. If we know a number we will have our answer.
The answer has been written out for us in culture, the medical field, academia, and even in religion:
Weight loss/Low Body Weight = good
Weight Gain/High Body Weight = bad
When we allow a number on a scale to direct our lives, we separate our body from our heart, soul and mind. When we give the scale all that power, we are agreeing to turn our body into an object to be worked on and something to mistrust.
But, there is another story and a different, kinder way to figure out your feelings, direct your actions, define your worth that does not depend on the number on a scale.
Try these ideas for moving away from weighing yourself.
Throw out the scale.
Tape a note on the scale, over the number display.
Something that you need to remember or that relates to what triggers you:
You aren’t the boss of me. It’s time to take back my power.
I am more important than my weight.
I’m only here because I’m overwhelmed.
It’s time to reach out for support.
It’s time to find safety and comfort.
I am worthy regardless of this number.
This will put a barrier between you and the number, disrupting the habitual/trance-like aspect of stepping on the scale. The note serves to remind you that you are having a thought or feeling that is triggering discomfort or confusion. That positive affirmation of the note turns the volume down on any shaming narrative that might be cycling through your thoughts. The beauty of the note is that the ore times you go to the scale, the more times you are reminded you don’t need it.
Learn to live the questions and develop skills to tolerate the journey of coming to know the answers in yourself. This is a tall order, I know. Find a friend or profession to assist you.
What I know to be true: We live in a fat phobic society. We’ve been taught that dieting works. We’ve been taught to see the body as a machine. Weight is a non-modifiable risk factor. Trying to modify weight is likely to lead to a higher weight.
When we are afraid or feeling confused, it can be helpful not to battle the body. Understanding our sources of suffering and resulting coping behaviors is important.
At the end of the day, I want to remind you again and again: You are worthy of love and respect. Your discomfort, fear, and suffering is not an indulgence and should be taken seriously. Your worth, your purpose, permission to eat, is not determined by the number on a scale.
You don’t have to do this work alone. Reach out for help.